mhmmmm
Today, for the longest time I finally talked to a friend I haven't talked to for a long time. The last time I talked to him he was really happy, charming, funny and very amazing he made my day. However, after that last time I talked to him he became someone I didnt know, sad and just really depressed. Always high everytime I saw him, I was getting very worried never saw him smile ever. However, I was always so scared to talk to him because he looked so, I dont know how to explain it but different. However, today he came up to me and we started talkin again. He was the same guy that I first met, yeah he still smokess alot and gets high and it's horrible. But just because he does those things doesn't mean I'm not going to be his friend anymore. I was just very overwhelmed and happy when I saw him smile today. Telling me his very good and everything. It makes me smile, I know he had a rough year but to see him overcome it makes me happy.This leads to when my parents, and family memebers tells me to hang out with the "smart people", the "good people", you know what I mean. Just because they smoke, get high, drink, and all that crap doesnt mean they are bad people. Yeah they have bad habits, and yet I know they think I would start too. However, I'm smart enough not to smoke crap. Seriously, it's not just their image it's their personalites. Maybe it's just me but EVERY smart smart person I ever met always bugs me because they make me feel not good enough, they always say they are failing but they have a 90, like reallyy? Get a lifee I rather trade that 90 for my 50 okay so shut up. It's like they are rubbing it in my face you know. I dont know but my point is just because someone doesnt seem in the "apporiate" group doesnt mean they arent good people inside. I really don't care what you do we just have to click =].
Okay, now this is not involved with anything above but I have lots of things I want to say lol. I dont know when, but I developed a liking of expressing myself on blogs haha. Anyways, have you ever felt so alone and no one likes you, than someone comes by and gives you 100% attention. I don't know if it's the feeling of being wanted or the feeling that there is a guy to "flirt" with, girls you know what I'm talking about. I don't know if it's liking or the feeling of being important and being wanted. It feels so good tho, I noticed what teens wants the most is attention. It's true I swear. I prob never admit this but of course I love attention who doesn't? The feeling of being wanted and everyone paying attention to you. Have you ever had a fight with your parents for no reason? You just want to yell and be angry, I dont know really but I'm starting to think I do that for attention. Well I don't do that anymore because I really don't care if my parents are home anymore. However, I know before I hated how they were never home, they never had time to go to my shows, when I was little I was basically with my grandma and they would pick me up at 12 and I would be sleeiping. How I go to Carmela's house and her mom is always there bringing us out of town. My parents barely had time for that when I was little. I remember when I was little there would be family bbqs and my parents were never there... I guess that's why I use to love running away, fighting, yelling it made me feel like they cared. haha but the funny part is now that I'm so use to it I dont even want them home anymore. I'm so use to being in the house alone it's quite funny. I guess because we lacked that family connection when I was little it doesnt really matter anymore to me. Now they are always in my face caring and it's actually making me so fustrated. hahaha I find that quite funny, before I craved their attention but now I'm so use to them just caring about working I really don't like it anymore because that connection was lost long time ago. Doesn't mean I don't love them anymore, it's jus that we are missing that connection they screwed up when I was little. Anyways, the point is I guess the feeling of being wanted is quite important. Maybe that's the reason I'm starting to fall for this guy that made me feel special. Hoever, he does live far hahaha. Anyways I realize I talk about the randomist thing that doesnt make sence. I guess I just type whatever is in my head. It doesn't even matter cuz this is for me to realese stress. =]
posted by xo.pepper @ 10:52 p.m.
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