Life just gets more confusing...
There's just so much going on in life, sometimes I wish I had a remote control that could pause, rewind, fastforward my life. It would be so much easier if you could pause life, so you can just have quiet time and think before you act. It would be so much easier if you could rewind and fix your mistakes in the past. It would be so much easier if you could fastforward your life to skip rough patches, and embarrsing moments. All of it would be so much easier... but this is reality that's not how life works.Life has been more stressful these days balancing social/friends, school, & love life. It's just so difficult, it's not impossible but deffs hard as poop... The pressure of graduating, the pressure of making it into post secondary, craming my schedual so I won't need to take more than half a year to upgrade. However, what really scares me is wondering if I'll be walking down that stage with my fellow classmates... that really gives me nightmares. Another thing is keeping my social/friends & love life balanced, okay.. in secret... ? It's just that my friends can't accept the guy I like. I understand why, first off my ex.. =/, 2nd off hooked up with one of my exfriends, 3rd off broke my heart. However, we're just friends at the moment and they well just 2 of them well mostly one... won't understnad and sometimes I just got to hide the fact me and him are hanging out... That guilt kicks in, but when I tell I get these cruel jokes.. So what can I do.. ? I have no idea, it's really stressing me out, and this guy his not just another guy. He makes me feel comfortable I honestly can be myself I can burp and laugh about it, I can eat messy infront of him and I feel completely fine. He makes me feel like me, not like I have to put a mask on. I honestly, even tho we only dated for 4 months back than, and now we're just close friends.. I honestly can see myself with him in the future, and even not at least I can. It's not like I want him to be with me for fun, but I really can see myself with him in the future if that's God's plan. However, that doesn't mean I love him, dont get me wrong. I'm way to young to think about love. It's just really stressful for my friends not to accept a guy that I really do admire as a friend and maybe a future boyfriend after highschool or during graduation if it lasts. =] hopefully my friends can accept him eventually...
posted by xo.pepper @ 11:27 p.m.
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